I hate the fact I’m always moaning on my blog posts at the moment but it’s my place to vent. When I set up this blog I said to myself I’d share the good, the bad and the ugly and that’s what I’m doing.
This morning I felt like giving up, felt like I couldn’t do this anymore. I know I can’t just give up, my children are my life and I love them more than anything but everything just feels too much.
Evie is 4 weeks on Sunday and in that time we have fought 2 sickness bugs, dealt with a nasty eye infection and been plagued with mastitis. It’s not been easy and I’ve not greatly been enjoying myself until this week. This week has been good, we’ve got ourselves into a routine, the bugs have gone and life seemed to be getting kinder to us.
Until yesterday! Yesterday I had a bit of a headache and felt a bit achy. All the signs of tiredness, no big deal, just life of a mum. When I woke this morning my fear had been realised, the mastitis is back and worse than ever.
If you’re wondering what mastitis is, it basically is a build up of milk in your breast which then turns in to an infection. The side effects of this are migraine type headaches, achy body, hot and cold sweats, red lumps on your breast and pain on your breast like you’ve never felt before. The further downside is just when you want to give up breast-feeding more than anything and grab the formula you can’t!! If you stop feeding/pumping the milk builds up more and the infection gets worse. Feeding on it is hideous, I literally am crying my way through the pain.
So as you can see it’s not a pretty picture and why I feel like giving up. What I would do for someone up there to give me a bit of a break so I can feel like I can do this. To build my confidence, to feel like I can be a good mum, to feel normal. Not this emotional wreck that I see in the mirror! Not the mess of a mummy looking rough and having next to no patience with my beautiful little boy.
Sometimes I just need to stop and remind myself that life is good, I have the most amazing family and things will look up. Some of my family members are battling a harder life taking battle so my moans are petty and insignificant. Although sometimes you need to moan, get it out of your system and remind yourself just how good things actually are.
To a better week.. health and happiness.